My Life or My Power?
by DD Leader Dark Heart of Water
Summary: Yagami Raito was caught. Literally. He was stuck in a cell and would be until L was given concrete proof that he was not Kira, which wasn't possible because of one thing. He was Kira. And unfortunately for him, only Kira had power over where his destiny would lead him. Japanese names in use.


Alright, this is just a short one shot on what Raito may have been feeling in the first week he was imprisoned. Please review and if characters are OOC it's because this is my first Death Note fanfiction.

**I don't own Death Note.**

* * *

Yagami Raito was caught. Literally.

He was stuck in a cell and would be until L was given concrete proof that he was not Kira, which wasn't possible because of one thing.

He _was _Kira.

L had known it from the very beginning.

Probably since the entrance exam to Toutou University.

Maybe since the death of Raye Penber, possibly even before.

And now, Raito was paying for his carelessness.

Well, actually, he was paying for L's – or Ryuuzaki as everyone called him to keep his identity secret – attention to detail.

He had always known in the back of his mind that he had appeared too innocent; staying in his room studying every day without any contact to the outside world – or as far as L was concerned.

He had, of course, found a way to watch the news, even with the total of sixty four cameras and probably even more microphones hidden in his room; the portable television he kept hidden under a pile of notes and test results from lectures.

The only con was that he couldn't turn on the sound. Kira was known for only killing major criminals; rapists, terrorists, kidnappers. But he had killed a man who had shoplifted a bag of chips and two teenagers who had only snuck unauthorised into a casino.

Kira wouldn't normally kill those kinds of minor criminals, and it had looked suspicious.

Raito knew he had screwed up, but he hadn't been about to let that stop him.

Until he met the second Kira; the idiot that had actually mentioned 'God of Death' in their live video that had been broadcasted all over the Kanto region of Japan.

The fool who had traded half their life for their God of Death's – Remu – eyes just so they could see the names and life expectancies of others.

Amane Misa.

Of course, she hadn't seemed so foolish or idiotic when she saw L. She had known his name wasn't Ryuuga Hideki right from the moment she had laid eyes on him.

That was due to the bond she had made with Remu, costing her half her life, but he had been so close to winning.

And then she had been arrested under suspicion of being the second Kira.

At that moment, Raito had to hide a smirk. Even without concrete proof, L had been absolutely positive it was her.

It hadn't been that hard to figure out, especially with her shocked and disbelieving reaction when she heard his 'name'.

But he had been so close… he had almost won.

Sighing, he threw back his head and glared at what he assumed was the roof; he couldn't tell with the sunglasses and the blindfold on.

Soon after Misa had been arrested, he had gone to L, saying that he might have been Kira subconsciously.

It was better to play innocent rather than being caught, of course. Especially with his own God of Death – Ryuuku – in the cell with him.

His surroundings consisted of a small, metal bed, a urinal, three walls and a barred door. That was all he knew thanks to the sunglasses that had been placed over the blindfold tied around his eyes, and the only reason he knew about the urinal was thanks to Ryuuku and the man that came in every hour to bring him meals or guide him to said porcelain device.

Misa had given up her Death Note after a few days so that he could continue as Kira to purify the world. To create Utopia.

He sighed, feeling himself warming to the strawberry-blonde girl slightly. It took a lot of courage to sacrifice your memories and power over what happened.

Especially since Kira had killed her parents' murderer. All she wanted – all she had _ever _wanted – was to avenge her parents' death, and now that someone had done it, she had been immortally grateful.

And still was, even when restrained by chains, ropes, blindfolds and every other restraining device known to man in a room with a metal door bolted three times with a heavy lock.

Rolling his eyes, Raito leaned back against the bed. For the first two hours, he had sat on it, remaining completely silent.

Now, however, he was bored.

And it wasn't as if he could do much either, in an eight metres squared room with his hands tied behind his back and a heavy blindfold obscuring his vision.

He couldn't even view the antics of Ryuuku going crazy from not being able to eat apples for amusement anymore.

And wouldn't if his plan worked.

He had clearly stated to the God of Death that he would only forfeit his Death Note when he clearly said the word 'forfeit'. And that was exactly what he planned to do.

Not now, though. No, it was far too soon after being restrained – or placed in quarantine as some called it – to forfeit it.

If he gave up the Death Note, all memories revolving around it would disappear.

Ryuuku.

Him and Misa being Kira.

How many deaths they had caused.

And maybe even his growing love for the girl.

True, at first he had only been using her to find out L's real name.

And yes, he had planned on killing her soon after L.

But thanks to Remu, he no longer had the option of that. And thanks to his restriction, he no longer had the _will _to do it.

But if he had, at least there had been some comfort in knowing that someone was still going to continue his vision of Utopia.

Although, it would have been more useful to sacrifice half of his life for the eyes.

They would have been a valuable asset, especially if he had been able to murder… no, to murder was to commit a crime, and Kira killed criminals.

Especially is he had been able to put L out of commission before the eighteen year old detective had grown suspicious.

Sighing, Raito glanced up as he realised something; L wouldn't contact him unless he struck up the conversation first.

"How is it, Ryuuzaki?" he asked, knowing that there were several microphones in the cell. "In the last couple of days, did any new criminals that Kira would've killed get reported? And if so, were they killed by Kira?"

In the back of his mind, Raito was desperately hoping that by some chance, a coincidence had befallen a criminal or two and they had died by heart attack.

But, he was disappointed.

"There were some of those criminals reported," L replied in his usual, childlike and intriguing tone of voice. "But ever since you've been imprisoned, not one criminal has been murdered."

"Man, I want an apple," Ryuuku complained, completely oblivious to the serious conversation between the two enemies.

"The murdering stopped?" Raito gasped, paying no heed to the God of Death. "Really?"

"Yes," L confirmed.

"I see… it seems like the time for me to be identified as Kira is approaching."

"…It's only the third day. It might be some sort of coincidence," L offered.

Raito bit back a growl and settled for glaring at the floor instead. He knew that L thought he was Kira, and even if the murders were still happening, it was very likely that L was keeping him from this knowledge to see if he'd crack.

But he wouldn't, because of one thing.

By that stage, he wouldn't even have knowledge of him being the cause of previous deaths.

"Ryuuzaki, how's Misa doing?" he asked after a minute, the need for knowledge on his girlfriend growing too great to ignore. "Were you able to get any information out of her that could be a hint?"

"Raito-kun… the investigation is happening with you as Kira and Amane as the second Kira," L growled into the microphone. "There is no reason to speak of Amane to you."

"Ah, that's strict," Raito groaned, flexing his fingers. "I'm doing this to figure out the identities of Kira and the second Kira too."

But L didn't reply. Not that Raito had expected him to, but now he was even more worried.

Misa had already forfeited her Death Note. If they decided that she was the second Kira, they'd just be killing an innocent life.

* * *

"Raito!" Ryuuku whined loudly. "I need to eat an apple soon!"

"Just have to tolerate it," Raito muttered, trying to make it look like he was talking to himself. "Even if it's boring…"

* * *

"Raito-kun," L called. "It's only been a week so far, but it seems that even you look haggard. Are you alright?"

"Yeah," Raito confirmed, a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. "Even I can't think I'm in good shape like this… But, all the claims I had to my ridiculous pride…"

This was it. He was about to lose his Death Note, and his memories of him being Kira for over a year.

He was about to lose the power to make a difference, to bring peace to the world.

But even worse, he was about to lose the power that had drawn Misa to him.

But it was worth it.

He may have been about to give up the power to take the lives of people who did wrong, but he was gaining the power to get his life back.

"I forfeit them."

Hearing Ryuuku jump, Raito nodded and he heard the God of Death beginning to climb the wall, "Okay! Got to get some apples…"

Shaking his head in disbelief, Raito forced back a cry of pain as a bolt of energy shot through him.

Fire was burning his skin, turning even the parts that had already crumbled to ashen dust.

Someone was trying to pull his eyes out with a knife and replace them with gumballs that were twice the size.

His throat was an abyss of frozen winds, freezing everything that they touched on immediate contact.

And his soul.

His soul was being pulled out by something that could only have been described as Dementor-like.

Raito's whole life flashed before his eyes, but the parts with Kira were slowly fading.

It was odd; he could still see Misa perfectly.

Their dates, their first kiss, even her coming over to his house for the first time to introduce herself.

Just when he thought he was about to collapse from the strain of it all, it was gone.

Just gone.

Without any trace.

Glancing around, Raito frowned. Where was he? Why couldn't he-

Oh, that's right. He had offered to be imprisoned until L was positive he wasn't Kira.

Why would he be Kira? That power was a burden.

That power had almost killed his father.

That power had completely annihilated at least three hundred lives in the past five months.

"Ryuuzaki," he called, struggling to free his hands from their binds. "I know I was the one who suggested the imprisonment and chose to be in this situation… but now I realise that there is no point to it! Because… I'm not Kira! Let me out of here!"

"Absolutely not," came the firm reply. "You were even the one who requested that we not let you out of there until we determined whether you were Kira or not, regardless of whatever happened or what you said!"

"That's true that I said that, but… there was something wrong with me at the time! Do you really think it's possible for someone to do that kind of stuff that the murderer Kira did without being aware of it?!" Raito yelled, glaring through the blindfold. "We can't estimate the amount of power Kira has, but Kira exists as a human being that is a mass murderer and killing people at his own will! The fact that I don't believe I'm Kira means that I'm not him!"

"I also believe Kira must be aware of who he is," L condescended. "However, if you are Kira, then saying that you don't admit to being him makes the whole case make sense. Because the Kira murders have stopped immediately after your imprisonment…I believe that you are hiding the fact that you are Kira!"

"Alright, Ryuuzaki, listen carefully," Raito said, carefully keeping the growl out of his voice. "Right now I can calmly think that I'm in this situation because I was set up."

"Set up? Listen, no one else but the people in here know that you are imprisoned. Yet the murders stopped the moment you were imprisoned."

"Then someone in there is Kira!" he shrieked, unable to keep his emotions under control anymore. "I'll investigate with you, so let me out of here! Hurry up and let me out! This is a waste of time!"

"Absolutely not. You cannot be released!" L growled before terminating the connection.

Groaning, Raito allowed his head to fall onto his knees as his shoulders slumped. His arms were already stiff from being in the same position for so long. How long more would they have to be like that.

"Dammit… why did this happen?"

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Please review!


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